Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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