Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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