Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
