either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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