she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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