your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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