great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
