like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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