i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
