Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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