Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
