i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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