It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
