i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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