And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
