Best friends brother. Beat that.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
