i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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