oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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