its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
