Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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