Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
