omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
