She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
i out mim tonsoeep
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
