Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
