He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
