i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
