don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize