Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
