Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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