this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
