His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
bring money and cleavage
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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