Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
