Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
