My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
