I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
