i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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