I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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