During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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