she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
