based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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