I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
