Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just had sex on a roof
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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