just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize