Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
