im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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