Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
