Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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