Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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