Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
