is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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