So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
you inspire me to be a worse person
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
