well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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