just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
