Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
i think im in europe. pls send help
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
