Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Are my feet made of real feet?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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