You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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