His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
