glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
