I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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