i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
