I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
