On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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