the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
