SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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