Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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