Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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