and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Randomize
