walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
