I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize