I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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