24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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