I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
