I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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