new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
