I puked a lego.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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