I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
