Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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