So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
