I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
