You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
