The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
