Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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