We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
