with your own penis?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
