well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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