i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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