Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
