I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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