Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
