I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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