I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
