everyone is single if you try hard enough
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
