apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
