You can't special order awesome
Quick, to the slutcave!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
