Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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