Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
