so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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