We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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