Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
they need to just BURY HIM!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize