what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
