is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
