I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
