So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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