Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
