So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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