found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
