dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
