She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
