I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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